Nick and I got married about four months ago. Since then, I’d say on average of once a week someone asks me how married life is going. My response?
“Not that different from before….”
He is still my favorite person to be with when I run errands. He still tells me I’m pretty. We still cook awesome dinners (although now we have more fun kitchen gadgets and pretty dishes). There is still about a 15% overlap in our musical preferences. There are still nights that Nick comes home late and finds me in yoga pants, sleeping on the couch with SVU on the television. There are still days I have to remind him about cleaning the litter boxes (although he has gotten a lot better about it). The truth is that we’ve lived together for two years already, and as wonderful as it has been to make our love and commitment to each other official, it’s not going to change much of our daily lives.
Except for one thing. It’s made me nicer.
Nick might not have noticed this. Given how stressed I am at times during the school year, it’s quite possible he might say I’ve gotten meaner. But quite honestly, getting married made me realize, “Oh yeah. We really are in this together.” We’re a team and that means being a little less selfish.
Perfect example. A couple months ago Nick called me about 15 minutes after leaving the apartment to head to a gig. He had stopped to get gas at the station right down the block from us and, being in a rush, left the gas cap on the roof of his van. He didn’t have time to go back and look for it. So, he asked if I could possibly go search for the gas cap. I was getting ready to head out to my own plans for the evening, and all I could envision was having to dodge cars flying around the corner at a busy intersection. Even worse, I worried someone would see me retrieving a gas cap from the side of the road and assume I was the idiot who left it on the top of the car. (And no, I don’t think Nick is an idiot for doing so. I mean, I’ve come frighteningly close to driving away while still attached to the pump. But it’s what other people might think that concerned me.)
I’m not as nice or generous as I might come across. I’m not going to lie. My first instinct was to just tell Nick that I couldn’t find it or that I was running too late and didn’t have time to go look. But then I remembered that he is my partner, and I know he would do it for me. This is the guy who got up early and brought gasoline to me in the parking garage at work because I was worried I wasn’t going to make it to a gas station on my way home. He (usually) stays quiet in the apartment when I am trying to read or study. And he will massage my shoulders for as long as I ask him to do so. So yes, I could try to find a gas cap for my husband. (And yes, I did find it.)
Generally, I’ve been surprised to find that I’m now more willing to do little things like that. We’re still individual people, but we are sharing a life. Which means that tonight when we go out to dinner, I’ll be okay with sharing a dessert.