I’m one of those lucky people with a December birthday. And before you ask- no, people do not give me one gift and try to pass it off as a combo birthday/Christmas present.* But it does mean that I get a bunch of gifts within a couple weeks, and the rest of the year is spent accumulating a list of things I want (or need but cannot afford). Of course this year was the exception thanks to lots of generous family and friends giving shower and wedding gifts. But I don’t think Nick would have been too excited about registering for an animal encyclopedia. In fact, he might point out that our bookshelves are already home to not one, but two, two-volume books on mammals, as well as books on cat breeds and aquarium fish. (Then again, if you had asked me, I would have thought that one book about Frank Zappa was enough. Or, more than enough, really.)
But the point is that I still have things on my own personal wishlist, and thanks to Amazon.com, you all can find and buy them from one convenient, online location. If someone out there really wants to wow me – you know, if they want to make my 30th birthday memorable or make me feel obligated to get them an equally cool present – I have added a supplemental list below.
(PS- these may not be realistic. As in, some of them may not exist. That’s why they’re long shots.)
- An upholstered sofa that is immune to cat claws.
- Relatedly, a carpet that automatically disintegrates loose cat fur at the point of contact.
- A baby pygmy hippopotamus. Wearing a yellow raincoat and rain boots.
- A swimming pool. It’s not for me; it’s for the hippo.
- Have you heard of the LUMI sleep mask? It blocks out unwanted light while you are trying to sleep and then simulates sunrise at the time you want to wake up. Brilliant. And it’s only $80. I would have it on my real wishlist if: 1) I could find more than one suspiciously positive and succinct review on Amazon, and 2) it also had a parallel noise component. I want something that blocks out both unwanted light and noise while I am sleeping, and then gradually awakens me with both a fake sunrise and whatever happy sounds would wake me up. Chirping birds is the first thing that comes to mind, but that seems a little cliche.
- An outdoor kitchen. Like this:
(It’s not for me; it’s for the hippo…. That is a lie. The kitchen is totally for me. And maybe Nick.)
*Actually, this happened once. My high school boyfriend gave me Volume 1 of The Beatles Anthology. But that was kind of a big ticket item for fourteen-year-olds so it was totally acceptable. What was not acceptable? My college boyfriend running to Bath & Body Works on his way to my birthday dinner and grabbing the biggest gift basket of the nastiest-smelling bath products.